He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
