the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
