Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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