so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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