Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
