Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
