guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
