Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i've created a new STD.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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