I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
