How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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