Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize