there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
