I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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