A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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