Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
