Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
