At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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