i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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