You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Welp...herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
