you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
