if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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