Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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