I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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