I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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