I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He felt like a one man threesome
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
