You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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