I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
