id be glad to
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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