I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
