ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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