I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
