im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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