I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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