this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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