So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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