She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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