My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
