She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
