dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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