that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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