this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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