What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
