Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
