You can't motorboat a personality
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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