Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
