Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
