Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
