idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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