I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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