I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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