I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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