This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
