Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The air was thick with penises
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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