Me too!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
