suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
