just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
