At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
