I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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