she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
