I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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